156 Weeks..............................
It feels like it was only 135 weeks ago that I last wrote anything. Alas I write this only as it is officially 3 years since we moved here. Originally, 3 years was my hold out date. 3 years is what I promised the warden as a minimum term sentence. I agreed to 3 years with a 4th year as a compromise. I feel the warden thinks I'll just forget I'm in prison. I mean sure I get out to the yard more, the meals have been improving, the population has increased with new prisoners, and I am spending less time in solitary confinement, but I still know I am in prison. It's a beautiful prison though. And I have adjusted enough to enjoy it. With the winter that was back home, dare I say I was glad to be out here? I said it. I was happy to be here.
Let's see what's changed in the last 135 weeks? Oh so much but let me start with this. If I had put a dollar a day away for each day I was here, I would have 1096 dollars. That doesn't seem like much money at all but that's a lot of days. When we got here I was pregnant and now I have an almost 3 year old. That's madness.
So Athan is in 1st grade...........he's doing baseball and swim and some afterschool activities. They do tons of afterschool stuff here even for the young kids..........like super smart clubs dealing with Lego's and engineering and computer coding. Dare I say, it's a sweatshop but with finer accommodations.
It's as if they are prepping them to start at working at Microsoft right away.....which actually is fine by me.
Alex is a beast and rat's everyone out at daycare preschool--------it's really just a drop of daycare for emergencies. But seriously, he rat's out everyone who is bad and who hits and who doesn't share. I'd worry but he's such a big kid I figure he can fend for himself.
I started doing Advocate work out here as a volunteer just to get back to doing something. This one is Family as opposed to Dependency which means it's for custody battles and not foster or out of care cases. I didn't realize it until I had already applied etc. and I thought well you know what, maybe I shouldn't be walking into areas that are dangerous with criminals and bullets and sheets used as curtains since I am a mom and this is only a volunteer position. I was wrong. This one seems more dangerous. I should stick with what I know.
Theo is fine.
Ha, what if I just left it at that. He is fine...just busy. He's coaching Athan's baseball team. Again, Id like him to be the kind of Coach that you see on TV so I keep writing him lines to say at practices but he never says anything. I tell him you have to lead them and let them know this is supposed to be fun but it's also a time for them to learn discipline and to work hard and pay attention. But he doesn't. I tell him to announce his presence with authority, but he merely greets them with a hello. I tell him to yell at them "Clear Eyes, Full hearts can't lose." (I still think of you daily Kyle!) But he doesn't. He tells them "Let's try our best and see how we do." I tell him to tell them this is a game about inches (which it's not). He doesn't. He tells them it's about learning skills and doing well. I tell him it's ok to yell at some of these kids, they are squirrely and touchy feely and can't focus on things. But he doesn't. Instead he gives them weapons like bats and balls. On the plus side we are called the Knights this year as opposed to the Sand Gnats of last year.
We've made more friends since we've been here. I no longer depend on the butcher and the bagger at the grocery store to be my friends. We made some good Preschool mommy friends that we don't see as often, but do manage to keep in touch with and see sometimes----one mommy started her own company which I highly recommend everyone take a look at....Little Boot Peep. So clever.
We made great baseball and school mommy/daddy friends and that's who we hang out with the most. I will say they are fabulous and haven't even tried to ditch any of them. I also seem to attract myself to his teachers. Athan really lucked out with having fabulous teachers who I instantly hit it off with and hold tight. His preschool teacher is another prisoner like me. I told her early on that we were both never getting out of here. His Kindergarten teachers---he had two--are the toppermost as well. I drag his one kindergarten teacher out with me as often as I can. She likes to drink and is equally as snarky so we really could have done a lot of damage had we met before the husbands and family took over our lives. We actually have even made weekend get away plans with some of our Baseball mommy/daddy friends. I know what you're thinking "Debbie, aren't you afraid once the new friends see how horrible you are on "vacations" that they won't want to be your friend anymore?" Yes, yes I am afraid. I will do my best to not be me on this weekend getaway. I'm gonna pretend to be one of them.
We've also lost some people we "hung out" with but I think of that more of us letting them go by dodging and ignoring. I'd rather have hung out with the butcher and the bagger than some of those folks.
And as always we have Tara and Anjelica who refresh my Midwest soul and remind me that I am the normal one and the surrounding north Pacific folk are the ones off kilter. Also, when Anjelica remembers, she is our emergency contact for the kids. But that is even code for Anjelica get the kids until Tara gets off work and then Tara will know what to do.
We have fabulous sitters who have been our godsend. The kids adore them and quite frankly, I think they love them more than us. I can't blame them though. I love them more than I love us too.
I've been adapting. Some days are harder than others and some days I'm so oblivious to what's going on around me that I just pretend I am at home and that seems to do the trick. Except for summer. I have to say summers here are the best around. I'm almost bummed we go home during the summer because it's so great here. It's a toss up. But I'd can't imagine missing a 4th of July with the girls in Plainfield.
That's it for now. I felt the urge to write as it's been 3 years exactly since we got here. When I came here I was 34 turning 35---my mid 30's. Now I'm getting ready to turn 38 and enter my late 30's. My brain tells me I'm 17 and have plenty of time and my body tells me I'm past death but my stupid brain won't submit to it. I see the dermatologist to look at my acne but she says "aren't you more concerned with your age spots?" I guess I am now. My gym trainer used to tell me I had to work for it to get it, I told him I don't want it. He's now just Theo's trainer. The kids used to call me mommy, now they just call me "hey." "You adapt" is what I tell myself and all my stuffed animals that I line up and name after my friends back home so I can celebrate big moments. It's been 3 years. I think I have just enough in me to make it a few more.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
21 weeks.......................
Holy Lola!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe I haven't written anything in so long. I will use the excuse of having a newborn as not being able to write anything. There, I have done it. I have used my child as a reason for not doing things. I plan on using him as my excuse for everything that I fail to do from here on. Forever.
Lots to catch up so let me begin......................
I'm so tired.
So very very tired.
We recently went home for a few days and it definatly was great and wierd. It was great to see everyone and spend time with friends. It was great for Athan to see everyone and for everyone to meet Alex. For those that we saw, LOVED seeing you all!!! For those that we didn't get to see, we will definately try when we are back again.
It was wierd because I have only served 13% of my sentence hear and yet I feel like I have been away for much longer. We visited with friends .........but then went home to my mom's house(on this note I will reflect more on)/ We saw our neighbors and our house to check on our tenant(on this I will reflect more on as well) ............but we had to knock to get into our home. We threw Athan a little party .........but at my brothers.......so it's all the things we have always done but the end result is that we are guests doing things on others terms.....so that was wierd.
So we stayed mostly at my mom's house which is a 3 bedroom raised ranch. Things were a little tight there. Trying to keep a 2 month old asleep with the Greeks is near impossible. There were several times when Theo and I looked at each other and thought we should get a hotel or we should leave......by we I mean just theo and I!!!!!! Sacrifice the kids for our own sanity............we can make new ones.....improved ones now that we know what we are doing!!!!!
Athan's birthday party was great fun and he is still talking about it. It was really great to see everyone but there never seems to be enough time to spend with everyone. I felt like I was constantly running to get stuff or start a game.......at one point the kids were chanting "we want Cake" I told them all that if this was Wisconsin, unionizing will not work!!
This past weekend we went to Milwaukee and caught the Cubs/Brewers game and had some awesome seats in a suite courtesy of Flo!!! Thanks Flo!!! Sadly, I lost my phone. Mar posted a photo of me in the suite with my phone so I know I had it there. I'm not sure how I lost it.......I know I was drunk but I usually grab everything I can when I am drunk and stuff it in my purse regardless of what it is. Sadly, it was never found. We then went to the casino and we won so at least I made money to buy a new phone but losing your phone sucks.
Anyone who has vacationed with me knows that my vacations are usually a mixed bag of good and bad for me. I may get a nice tan but get thrown from a moped that scars my body. I may meet a real nice guy but end up being wanted by the police for stealing a security car. This vacation is no different. Let me sum up :
Thurs: Arrive in early morning, tired.
Friday: Mom get checked into hospital for 2 days (she is fine)
Sat: Worked the summerfest for Little Hands Big HEarts:) But it rained so hard the whole time I was there but got to see some of my work friends!!!!Meet up with friends after mom gets released from hospital (anyone who is questioning why I would go out and leave my kids behind with my mother who JUST got released from the hospital, SHHHHH don't judge.......... the doctor said she was fine)
Sunday: Have party---great day!!!
Mon/Tues/ Wed----mom has dr.s appointment, weather pretty shitty, fight with the family, photo shoot gets rescheduled, BUT got to spend a lot of time with my niece:)
Thursday: Photo shoot gets cancelled(photographer was really sick so these past two days were probably worse for her than me but I digress)
Fri: Great day, great friends!!! Rental car had some issues:), Locked out of brothers house for a bit, no power either. Had dinner with my Ex-neighbors from growing up---so funny!!!! Jan seemed to get a kick out of my story about my dad painting squirrels, and then went out with my Greek Girls!!!! Had my date with Rich which he said he thought went really well........cross your fingers!!!!!!
Saturday: Great day at the ballgame, lost phone, won at the casino, slept in the apartment for the very last time, my cat doesn't know me anymore, and very tired.
Sunday: Drove home, so tired, visited neighbors!!! Saw and inspected my house:( visited with my brother in law and sister in law:) Had my godmother's family over:):) Packed for the next day.
Monday: said good bye:( early in the morning:( and arrived to my dusty condo, which I started to clean:(
So that was the gist of it!! So good and bad through the whole thing.
So Athan starts preschool in a few days. He did well overall at his summer camp so I have high hopes for him this school year. A few things about this:
I forgot to register him for the school year. I remembered at the last minute so now he has to go to a different school in Bellevue. This is not necessarily a bad thing but this school is in the richest part of Bellevue and I gotta feeling Athan is going to need to be better dressed this year than the shlubby stuff I sent him to camp in!!! Plus I imagine that I am going to have look better when I drop him off than before. I am thinking Theo's t-shirts, flip flops, and saggy jeans is not going to cut it. Plus I may have to brush my hair before I leave in the morning. Plus, I may have to wear every piece of jewelry that has diamonds on it----so basically my engagement and wedding rings:)
In regards to Athan's summer camp....remember Miss "Sue"? She was the teacher that asked I work more with Athan on cleaning up and raising his hand etc. Miss "Sue" did not finish the summer program. About half way though Miss "Sue" left. I never asked why. I am assuming my call to the INS to check her immigration status may have something to do with it, but I try not to blame myself for these things that I think would have happened anyway.(for the record, I did really like Miss "Sue" other than her critical thoughts on my child and I did not call the INS).
Alex is doing well. He has doubled his weight since birth so he will be my chunky child!!! Love him so much. He's smiling and laughing a bit. Since he's my best friend at the moment, I am glad we can bond and share things together.....sleepless nights and poop seem to be our mutual hobbies right now.
So I have a new hobby of sorts......................does everyone want to know it?
My new hobby is shopping for clothes and items related to working out. Yep, I actually bought a new pair of gym shoes that were ......A) not $9.99 B) NOT shining bright white(this I found is a giveaway to others for when they ask me if I have new gym shoes on and that pair is 7 years old, it lets people know that I don't wear them that much thus don't work out that much) C) the right size-----for some reason I never had gym shoes that were actually my size. Now, I also had to buy a bunch of work out clothes because Id idn't have any...sure I had two sports bras but one was from 8th grade----I'm not kidding..I really think it was 8th grade and the other was from high school or early college. So that is my new hobby.......buying workout stuff. One day I hope to wear these items to go workout!!!! Now you may be asking "But Debbie, haven't you always worked out?" No. I haven't always worked out. Many people think that due to my previous size perhaps I worked out but that would be wrong. However, I am not sure what seems to be wrong now though because after having Alex, I lost weight but now I am gaining weight. It's wierd. So I have decided than if I want to continue to eat the items I love, I will have to compensate by working out. I am hoping Septemeber 1st to be my starting point. I like to start things on the 1st of months. I think it makes it easier to then keep track. So wish me luck on September 1st!!!!!!!!
I think that's it for now or at least as much as I can recall..........my memory is spotty lately so I forget any funny things that may have happened that I thought I would write about. I am sure I will remember something shortly and be like oh I should have written that but whatever....i'll remember it for next time....or I won't..I'm not sure what I may do next time.
Oh I did remember what I wanted to say about our tenant. First of all the place looked fine.....really she has it more decorated than I did and I was there for 99 years. It felt wierd to see my house with other peoples stuff in it and I wanted to be critical and remind her that this is only temporary. I will be back. But then I thought maybe she will attack my cabinets. for some reason whenever I think my tenant will get mad at me, I keep assuming she will hurt my cabinets. I am not sure why I think that. But it's always my cabinets I worry about. I also think she has a pet and is lying about that. She has lied about other things so who knows.
I am so hungry right now I wish I had another cinnabon. Again, this may have something to do with why I am gaining weight. But I still want it. I knew I should have bought some today.
Anyway, til next time...................Happy Cinnabon.
Lots to catch up so let me begin......................
I'm so tired.
So very very tired.
We recently went home for a few days and it definatly was great and wierd. It was great to see everyone and spend time with friends. It was great for Athan to see everyone and for everyone to meet Alex. For those that we saw, LOVED seeing you all!!! For those that we didn't get to see, we will definately try when we are back again.
It was wierd because I have only served 13% of my sentence hear and yet I feel like I have been away for much longer. We visited with friends .........but then went home to my mom's house(on this note I will reflect more on)/ We saw our neighbors and our house to check on our tenant(on this I will reflect more on as well) ............but we had to knock to get into our home. We threw Athan a little party .........but at my brothers.......so it's all the things we have always done but the end result is that we are guests doing things on others terms.....so that was wierd.
So we stayed mostly at my mom's house which is a 3 bedroom raised ranch. Things were a little tight there. Trying to keep a 2 month old asleep with the Greeks is near impossible. There were several times when Theo and I looked at each other and thought we should get a hotel or we should leave......by we I mean just theo and I!!!!!! Sacrifice the kids for our own sanity............we can make new ones.....improved ones now that we know what we are doing!!!!!
Athan's birthday party was great fun and he is still talking about it. It was really great to see everyone but there never seems to be enough time to spend with everyone. I felt like I was constantly running to get stuff or start a game.......at one point the kids were chanting "we want Cake" I told them all that if this was Wisconsin, unionizing will not work!!
This past weekend we went to Milwaukee and caught the Cubs/Brewers game and had some awesome seats in a suite courtesy of Flo!!! Thanks Flo!!! Sadly, I lost my phone. Mar posted a photo of me in the suite with my phone so I know I had it there. I'm not sure how I lost it.......I know I was drunk but I usually grab everything I can when I am drunk and stuff it in my purse regardless of what it is. Sadly, it was never found. We then went to the casino and we won so at least I made money to buy a new phone but losing your phone sucks.
Anyone who has vacationed with me knows that my vacations are usually a mixed bag of good and bad for me. I may get a nice tan but get thrown from a moped that scars my body. I may meet a real nice guy but end up being wanted by the police for stealing a security car. This vacation is no different. Let me sum up :
Thurs: Arrive in early morning, tired.
Friday: Mom get checked into hospital for 2 days (she is fine)
Sat: Worked the summerfest for Little Hands Big HEarts:) But it rained so hard the whole time I was there but got to see some of my work friends!!!!Meet up with friends after mom gets released from hospital (anyone who is questioning why I would go out and leave my kids behind with my mother who JUST got released from the hospital, SHHHHH don't judge.......... the doctor said she was fine)
Sunday: Have party---great day!!!
Mon/Tues/ Wed----mom has dr.s appointment, weather pretty shitty, fight with the family, photo shoot gets rescheduled, BUT got to spend a lot of time with my niece:)
Thursday: Photo shoot gets cancelled(photographer was really sick so these past two days were probably worse for her than me but I digress)
Fri: Great day, great friends!!! Rental car had some issues:), Locked out of brothers house for a bit, no power either. Had dinner with my Ex-neighbors from growing up---so funny!!!! Jan seemed to get a kick out of my story about my dad painting squirrels, and then went out with my Greek Girls!!!! Had my date with Rich which he said he thought went really well........cross your fingers!!!!!!
Saturday: Great day at the ballgame, lost phone, won at the casino, slept in the apartment for the very last time, my cat doesn't know me anymore, and very tired.
Sunday: Drove home, so tired, visited neighbors!!! Saw and inspected my house:( visited with my brother in law and sister in law:) Had my godmother's family over:):) Packed for the next day.
Monday: said good bye:( early in the morning:( and arrived to my dusty condo, which I started to clean:(
So that was the gist of it!! So good and bad through the whole thing.
So Athan starts preschool in a few days. He did well overall at his summer camp so I have high hopes for him this school year. A few things about this:
I forgot to register him for the school year. I remembered at the last minute so now he has to go to a different school in Bellevue. This is not necessarily a bad thing but this school is in the richest part of Bellevue and I gotta feeling Athan is going to need to be better dressed this year than the shlubby stuff I sent him to camp in!!! Plus I imagine that I am going to have look better when I drop him off than before. I am thinking Theo's t-shirts, flip flops, and saggy jeans is not going to cut it. Plus I may have to brush my hair before I leave in the morning. Plus, I may have to wear every piece of jewelry that has diamonds on it----so basically my engagement and wedding rings:)
In regards to Athan's summer camp....remember Miss "Sue"? She was the teacher that asked I work more with Athan on cleaning up and raising his hand etc. Miss "Sue" did not finish the summer program. About half way though Miss "Sue" left. I never asked why. I am assuming my call to the INS to check her immigration status may have something to do with it, but I try not to blame myself for these things that I think would have happened anyway.(for the record, I did really like Miss "Sue" other than her critical thoughts on my child and I did not call the INS).
Alex is doing well. He has doubled his weight since birth so he will be my chunky child!!! Love him so much. He's smiling and laughing a bit. Since he's my best friend at the moment, I am glad we can bond and share things together.....sleepless nights and poop seem to be our mutual hobbies right now.
So I have a new hobby of sorts......................does everyone want to know it?
My new hobby is shopping for clothes and items related to working out. Yep, I actually bought a new pair of gym shoes that were ......A) not $9.99 B) NOT shining bright white(this I found is a giveaway to others for when they ask me if I have new gym shoes on and that pair is 7 years old, it lets people know that I don't wear them that much thus don't work out that much) C) the right size-----for some reason I never had gym shoes that were actually my size. Now, I also had to buy a bunch of work out clothes because Id idn't have any...sure I had two sports bras but one was from 8th grade----I'm not kidding..I really think it was 8th grade and the other was from high school or early college. So that is my new hobby.......buying workout stuff. One day I hope to wear these items to go workout!!!! Now you may be asking "But Debbie, haven't you always worked out?" No. I haven't always worked out. Many people think that due to my previous size perhaps I worked out but that would be wrong. However, I am not sure what seems to be wrong now though because after having Alex, I lost weight but now I am gaining weight. It's wierd. So I have decided than if I want to continue to eat the items I love, I will have to compensate by working out. I am hoping Septemeber 1st to be my starting point. I like to start things on the 1st of months. I think it makes it easier to then keep track. So wish me luck on September 1st!!!!!!!!
I think that's it for now or at least as much as I can recall..........my memory is spotty lately so I forget any funny things that may have happened that I thought I would write about. I am sure I will remember something shortly and be like oh I should have written that but whatever....i'll remember it for next time....or I won't..I'm not sure what I may do next time.
Oh I did remember what I wanted to say about our tenant. First of all the place looked fine.....really she has it more decorated than I did and I was there for 99 years. It felt wierd to see my house with other peoples stuff in it and I wanted to be critical and remind her that this is only temporary. I will be back. But then I thought maybe she will attack my cabinets. for some reason whenever I think my tenant will get mad at me, I keep assuming she will hurt my cabinets. I am not sure why I think that. But it's always my cabinets I worry about. I also think she has a pet and is lying about that. She has lied about other things so who knows.
I am so hungry right now I wish I had another cinnabon. Again, this may have something to do with why I am gaining weight. But I still want it. I knew I should have bought some today.
Anyway, til next time...................Happy Cinnabon.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
12 weeks..............
Look at me....12 weeks in Seattle and I haven't fled yet!!! Theo had kept saying that he didn't think I would stick around 3 months later yet here I am, proving him wrong. I should mention for a good portion of that time I could not even travel so even if I tried to flee, I am sure airport security would have stopped me. Especially when they noticed I was exceptionally larger than any pregnant person known to man.........again, circus managers are trying to recruit me.
A few changes in the past week or so...................
This past Monday was my first day without Theo or my mom. It was also Athan's first day of summer camp. Being alone normally wouldn't bother me, but the getting Athan up in the morning and to school on time etc. was my big fear. First of all, and this may surprise most of you, I don't enjoy mornings. I don't enjoy waking up actually but I really don't enjoy it in the morning. Anything before 9am actually makes me mad.
So I was more concerned about getting Athan up and ready for school, plus getting myself to look normal and getting the baby changed and ready and fed and then changed again and then taking a moment to cry to myself in the closet and then changing the baby again and getting Athan to eat his breakfast(muffins and milk) and trying to tell him that he should play nice and listen to his teachers and not do kung fu panda on anyone and then getting the baby to stop crying and then trying to have a cup of coffee(or as I think of it, the deterrent for child abuse) and then trying to find keys and changing my pants because these rubbed up against my stitches and then remembering to bring his jacket and then changing my shirt because I ws leaking and then making sure I had my keys again and key card and wondering why there is this crying in my neighbors condo and then finally getting the kids in the car and then racing to get to the school a little early so the other parents wouldn't know right away that I will forever be the parent whose child has 50 million tardies and none of them will actually be his fault. Once that was done I was totally fine. I did, and do, have a few gripes about the summer camp though. Now, I realize things are not always done the way I believe they should be. I am still uncertain why that it, but it is and I have learned to adapt. However.............
When I arrived at the school, there were not clear signs as to where the classrooms were located. It was not the main school as I assumed but rather some buildings in the back. Ok, not a problem, but definitely something I would have marked clearly.
Upon entering the school with Athan in tow and Alex in his stroller, no one actually asked me who I was or where I was to go. Finally after the 3rd person simply said Hello to me, I turned to the one person and said" So, how does this work?" I was then asked what classroom my child was to be in and that I should sign in. I did as told. I asked where the teacher was and she was not there already but I should have Athan-----who they called Ashin and the Athen(like Athens but no S) to go play for abit until school started(remember I got there early!) Anyhoo, I spoke to the program director and asked her to explain the program a bit more to me and about the field trips and all the fun stuff that seemed to happen during the hours my child WAS NOT there. I told her that after learning all the fun stuff would be for all day children, I would have signed him up for the all day not just half day. She did say that Athan would be allowed on full day field trips etc but that yes, it was not clearly stated in the program enrollment----again, something I would have made sure of.
So I turned to Athan and told him I was going to leave but that I would be back in a little bit. I told him to play nice and with the other kids who were in his class and playing near him.------at this time there were three other kids playing at the table Athan sat down by. 2 of the three appeared normal while the 3rd growled something at me. It made me think that A) this is exactly who Athan is going to want to hang around with and B) I wish I taught him in Greek to understand the phrase "stay away from that one". Athan seemed maybe a little uncertain about me leaving for maybe 5 seconds and then said bye and gave me a kiss. I got into the car and that's when I started to cry. I thought I would be more hysterical crying but it was actually a very slow, heart wrenching, broken hearted kinda cry.........doves were falling from the sky from my heart ache, harps began to softly play in correlation to my falling tears, and the sky turned gray from sorrow. I really was very upset.
I know it's only stupid day camp and it's not the first time he has had a class where I wasn't with him but it was the first time he had a class where he didn't know anyone.......he usually had his trusted partner Taylor to goof around with. Plus, I don't know anyone there and he didn't know anyone so it's very upsetting to know you are leaving your child to fend for himself.
So, the time finally comes to pick him up.....the class is only 3 hours long. Anyway, I come to the school and go to the classroom and the teacher is still doing class with all the kids because the half day kids are with the full day kids so the teacher takes like 5 seconds to let the half day kids go to their parents and then resumes class. So Id idn't egt to ask her anything. But, as I was getting Athan ready to go, Miss Sue---the teaching aid--comes to me to discuss Athan. Miss Sue, who seems lovely, told me two things that disturbed me. Miss Sue is also a foreigner. I mention this because I thought there may have been language issue at first. Also, because I am sure that if I make disparraging remarks about Miss Sue, I will use her being a foreigner in my insults( I can do this as my parents are foreigners so I have that "free pass" to mock what in essence are my own types). She stated that when Athan was told to clean up, he said no and wanted to keep playing............perhaps this is something I could work on at home she stated. Also, he didn't want to wear his name tag. Now, he actually did have a name tag on the back of his jacket as did most kids so obviously he eventually got it on. The name tag by the way had his name spelled wrong "ATHEN" is not his name. This isn't difficult. His name is similar to Nathan only without the N. Listen if the Greeks can figure this out, everyone should be on board.
Work on getting him to clean at home......something I should work on with him at home....telling a 3 yr old to put down his toys so he can clean and he didn't jump immediately to that command!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's it......it's ass beating time!!!!! Listen Miss Sue-------if that's your real name-----Sue being such a popular name from the small communist cold war country you finally escaped from after being ordered from some magazine only to escape that man's clutches and end up here in America in my son's summer camp----telling a 3 yr old to clean up and them not jumping at the chance is what we can normal. I realize that you were brought up differently. But since chances are you never even had a toy growing up other than the mop you were given as your birthright combined with the fact that you already were in the middle of cleaning while playing with your mop, please understand that 3 yr olds don't get excited to clean the way you do.
But, I will take your suggestion and mull it over. Now mind you, when I got Athan in the car I did go over the cleaning issue and listening to teachers, even Miss "Sue", etc etc. Athan told me about his day and that he played with some kids but didn't know anyone's name. He played mostly with some girl----he now refers to her as Iron Woman so who knows who that is---and he mentioned his snack of graham crackers. So overall, he did not appear too scarred.
The next day I did go in and speak with Miss Kris, the lead teacher. I asked her Athan was the day before and how this works about getting info on how he did for the day. Does she take time out to tell me am I to rely on the "surely she is undocumented" Miss "Sue" or what. How does this place work I asked her. She said that she Athan did fine yesterday. I told her what Miss "Sue" had told me and she said that Miss "Sue" shouldn't have said anything since A) it's a new setting for most of the kids and new routine B) Athan is only 3 C) The kids are all trying to adjust D) Miss "Sue" is a communist and militant about children obeying. Also, Miss Kris said that if Athan does it after a week then it would be something to address but the first day is a big change for kids etc. etc. Anyone with half a brain understands why you shouldn't tell a parent that your child's first of school would have been better had he been trained to clean more and play less. Now, I told Miss Kris as well that "Athan" pointed out to me that his name was misspelled. I explained that It's Nathan without the N not Athen without the S like the town in Greece that was the starting point for democracy, language, philosphy etc. She then turned to Athan and said "Athan if your name is spelled wrong, let me know." Here is where my lie came in.........Athan did not notice his name was spelled wrong because first of all the name tag was put on his back so how could he see it. Second, I don't think he would even notice it was spelled wrong. But he does know how to spell his name so maybe he would have but I doubt it. I noticed it was spelled wrong and didn't want to be a huge bitch and rat myself out about his name being spelled wrong. But it does drive me crazy............They spelled Athanasios right but Athan throws them for a loop. Why am I spending Theo's hard earned money on this camp if you can't spell my child's name correctly?!!!
After picking Athan up that afternoon, Miss Kris said he did fine etc. When asked, Athan told me about his day and playing etc. He mentioned snack time which was waffles. He adores Waffles but only Eggo Waffles....anything else he and refuses them. When asked if he ate the waffles, he said no that they were not good--which means they were not Eggos-------I asked him what he told the teachers and he said that he told them "no thank, we have food at home". I about shit bricks. How funny is that.
The morale of this lesson is that obviously Miss Kris and Miss "Sue" don't realize how special and talented and charming and funny Athan is. I say this because what Miss "Sue" should have said to me was" what an amazing and talented boy you have. We are honored that he is in our class. Your child is too funny!" But they didn't seem that enamored by him. They actually treated him like he was JUST ANOTHER CHILD. But that's not how Theo and I treat him. My parents don't treat him like that. Auntie Janelle doesn't treat him like this. No one in my office treats him like this. His Uncles and Aunt and our friends don't treat him like that. We all treat him like he is Special. Could it be that he is not as special as we all thought he was? I mean is that what I am supposed to take away from this? I mean right now Athan is telling Alex that we are all his friends and that we are all here to take care of him. How could this child who is telling Alex that he is a good brother and kissing his head be someone who has teachers that don't realize how great he is? This perplexes me but I am willing to roll with it for a bit and let the teachers grow into Athan. I am sure in due time, once they are done being overwhelmed by students, that they will see Athan as the most miraculous boy in the word, just as we all have.
A few changes in the past week or so...................
This past Monday was my first day without Theo or my mom. It was also Athan's first day of summer camp. Being alone normally wouldn't bother me, but the getting Athan up in the morning and to school on time etc. was my big fear. First of all, and this may surprise most of you, I don't enjoy mornings. I don't enjoy waking up actually but I really don't enjoy it in the morning. Anything before 9am actually makes me mad.
So I was more concerned about getting Athan up and ready for school, plus getting myself to look normal and getting the baby changed and ready and fed and then changed again and then taking a moment to cry to myself in the closet and then changing the baby again and getting Athan to eat his breakfast(muffins and milk) and trying to tell him that he should play nice and listen to his teachers and not do kung fu panda on anyone and then getting the baby to stop crying and then trying to have a cup of coffee(or as I think of it, the deterrent for child abuse) and then trying to find keys and changing my pants because these rubbed up against my stitches and then remembering to bring his jacket and then changing my shirt because I ws leaking and then making sure I had my keys again and key card and wondering why there is this crying in my neighbors condo and then finally getting the kids in the car and then racing to get to the school a little early so the other parents wouldn't know right away that I will forever be the parent whose child has 50 million tardies and none of them will actually be his fault. Once that was done I was totally fine. I did, and do, have a few gripes about the summer camp though. Now, I realize things are not always done the way I believe they should be. I am still uncertain why that it, but it is and I have learned to adapt. However.............
When I arrived at the school, there were not clear signs as to where the classrooms were located. It was not the main school as I assumed but rather some buildings in the back. Ok, not a problem, but definitely something I would have marked clearly.
Upon entering the school with Athan in tow and Alex in his stroller, no one actually asked me who I was or where I was to go. Finally after the 3rd person simply said Hello to me, I turned to the one person and said" So, how does this work?" I was then asked what classroom my child was to be in and that I should sign in. I did as told. I asked where the teacher was and she was not there already but I should have Athan-----who they called Ashin and the Athen(like Athens but no S) to go play for abit until school started(remember I got there early!) Anyhoo, I spoke to the program director and asked her to explain the program a bit more to me and about the field trips and all the fun stuff that seemed to happen during the hours my child WAS NOT there. I told her that after learning all the fun stuff would be for all day children, I would have signed him up for the all day not just half day. She did say that Athan would be allowed on full day field trips etc but that yes, it was not clearly stated in the program enrollment----again, something I would have made sure of.
So I turned to Athan and told him I was going to leave but that I would be back in a little bit. I told him to play nice and with the other kids who were in his class and playing near him.------at this time there were three other kids playing at the table Athan sat down by. 2 of the three appeared normal while the 3rd growled something at me. It made me think that A) this is exactly who Athan is going to want to hang around with and B) I wish I taught him in Greek to understand the phrase "stay away from that one". Athan seemed maybe a little uncertain about me leaving for maybe 5 seconds and then said bye and gave me a kiss. I got into the car and that's when I started to cry. I thought I would be more hysterical crying but it was actually a very slow, heart wrenching, broken hearted kinda cry.........doves were falling from the sky from my heart ache, harps began to softly play in correlation to my falling tears, and the sky turned gray from sorrow. I really was very upset.
I know it's only stupid day camp and it's not the first time he has had a class where I wasn't with him but it was the first time he had a class where he didn't know anyone.......he usually had his trusted partner Taylor to goof around with. Plus, I don't know anyone there and he didn't know anyone so it's very upsetting to know you are leaving your child to fend for himself.
So, the time finally comes to pick him up.....the class is only 3 hours long. Anyway, I come to the school and go to the classroom and the teacher is still doing class with all the kids because the half day kids are with the full day kids so the teacher takes like 5 seconds to let the half day kids go to their parents and then resumes class. So Id idn't egt to ask her anything. But, as I was getting Athan ready to go, Miss Sue---the teaching aid--comes to me to discuss Athan. Miss Sue, who seems lovely, told me two things that disturbed me. Miss Sue is also a foreigner. I mention this because I thought there may have been language issue at first. Also, because I am sure that if I make disparraging remarks about Miss Sue, I will use her being a foreigner in my insults( I can do this as my parents are foreigners so I have that "free pass" to mock what in essence are my own types). She stated that when Athan was told to clean up, he said no and wanted to keep playing............perhaps this is something I could work on at home she stated. Also, he didn't want to wear his name tag. Now, he actually did have a name tag on the back of his jacket as did most kids so obviously he eventually got it on. The name tag by the way had his name spelled wrong "ATHEN" is not his name. This isn't difficult. His name is similar to Nathan only without the N. Listen if the Greeks can figure this out, everyone should be on board.
Work on getting him to clean at home......something I should work on with him at home....telling a 3 yr old to put down his toys so he can clean and he didn't jump immediately to that command!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's it......it's ass beating time!!!!! Listen Miss Sue-------if that's your real name-----Sue being such a popular name from the small communist cold war country you finally escaped from after being ordered from some magazine only to escape that man's clutches and end up here in America in my son's summer camp----telling a 3 yr old to clean up and them not jumping at the chance is what we can normal. I realize that you were brought up differently. But since chances are you never even had a toy growing up other than the mop you were given as your birthright combined with the fact that you already were in the middle of cleaning while playing with your mop, please understand that 3 yr olds don't get excited to clean the way you do.
But, I will take your suggestion and mull it over. Now mind you, when I got Athan in the car I did go over the cleaning issue and listening to teachers, even Miss "Sue", etc etc. Athan told me about his day and that he played with some kids but didn't know anyone's name. He played mostly with some girl----he now refers to her as Iron Woman so who knows who that is---and he mentioned his snack of graham crackers. So overall, he did not appear too scarred.
The next day I did go in and speak with Miss Kris, the lead teacher. I asked her Athan was the day before and how this works about getting info on how he did for the day. Does she take time out to tell me am I to rely on the "surely she is undocumented" Miss "Sue" or what. How does this place work I asked her. She said that she Athan did fine yesterday. I told her what Miss "Sue" had told me and she said that Miss "Sue" shouldn't have said anything since A) it's a new setting for most of the kids and new routine B) Athan is only 3 C) The kids are all trying to adjust D) Miss "Sue" is a communist and militant about children obeying. Also, Miss Kris said that if Athan does it after a week then it would be something to address but the first day is a big change for kids etc. etc. Anyone with half a brain understands why you shouldn't tell a parent that your child's first of school would have been better had he been trained to clean more and play less. Now, I told Miss Kris as well that "Athan" pointed out to me that his name was misspelled. I explained that It's Nathan without the N not Athen without the S like the town in Greece that was the starting point for democracy, language, philosphy etc. She then turned to Athan and said "Athan if your name is spelled wrong, let me know." Here is where my lie came in.........Athan did not notice his name was spelled wrong because first of all the name tag was put on his back so how could he see it. Second, I don't think he would even notice it was spelled wrong. But he does know how to spell his name so maybe he would have but I doubt it. I noticed it was spelled wrong and didn't want to be a huge bitch and rat myself out about his name being spelled wrong. But it does drive me crazy............They spelled Athanasios right but Athan throws them for a loop. Why am I spending Theo's hard earned money on this camp if you can't spell my child's name correctly?!!!
After picking Athan up that afternoon, Miss Kris said he did fine etc. When asked, Athan told me about his day and playing etc. He mentioned snack time which was waffles. He adores Waffles but only Eggo Waffles....anything else he and refuses them. When asked if he ate the waffles, he said no that they were not good--which means they were not Eggos-------I asked him what he told the teachers and he said that he told them "no thank, we have food at home". I about shit bricks. How funny is that.
The morale of this lesson is that obviously Miss Kris and Miss "Sue" don't realize how special and talented and charming and funny Athan is. I say this because what Miss "Sue" should have said to me was" what an amazing and talented boy you have. We are honored that he is in our class. Your child is too funny!" But they didn't seem that enamored by him. They actually treated him like he was JUST ANOTHER CHILD. But that's not how Theo and I treat him. My parents don't treat him like that. Auntie Janelle doesn't treat him like this. No one in my office treats him like this. His Uncles and Aunt and our friends don't treat him like that. We all treat him like he is Special. Could it be that he is not as special as we all thought he was? I mean is that what I am supposed to take away from this? I mean right now Athan is telling Alex that we are all his friends and that we are all here to take care of him. How could this child who is telling Alex that he is a good brother and kissing his head be someone who has teachers that don't realize how great he is? This perplexes me but I am willing to roll with it for a bit and let the teachers grow into Athan. I am sure in due time, once they are done being overwhelmed by students, that they will see Athan as the most miraculous boy in the word, just as we all have.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
11 weeks....................
I wrote this the night before I went into the hospital but wasn't able to post it and just remembered now to put it up:
Tonight may be my last night I am ever pregnant. Tomorrow I am due to go to the hospital to deliver. I think I am lucky in that I will know when I am delivering instead of waiting for nature to take it's course. When that happens, there is such a panic and mad dash that you don't have time to notice the "last" of things and to take a moment to acknowledge them. I tend to mourn those "last" moments. But as I said, tonight may be the last night I am ever pregnant, the last time I will ever go to bed with a baby inside of me, the last night that it is just Theo, Athan and myself in our little family. I tucked Athan in for the last time as an only child. And tomorrow will be my last morning waking up with a baby inside of me. I am sure as I lay in the hospital tomorrow I will wait to feel the last kick I may ever feel with a child inside of me. It makes me sad. This little baby has been kicking the life out of me for the past few months and now, with only a few hours to go, I am trying to hold onto every moment and feeling in case it's my last. If nothing else it's the last with this particular child. I remember feeling the same with Athan but knowing I would have another child.
With Athan, it was more this is the last time with my first child. Now it's a feeling of my last time with what may be my last child. It's not just with this though. The "last" of things has been on my mind since Athan was little. The last time he couldn't say a word properly, the last time he called lollipops "hop pops", the last time he thought my office was Linda's house, the last time he mostly babbled instead of spoke clearly, the very last diaper he had, etc. I can remember the first because, well it's the first. You know when he has never done something before, but how do you recognize when something is the last. Everyday he does something that is just slightly different then before but so subtle that I don't really notice it until one day I realize that he has completely extinguished a behavior and I forgot to capture that moment of his "last". Just today, as he called me "mom" I explained that my name is Mommy and I would prefer if he called me that. He stared at me and told me that my name is mom. I said yes it is but I would prefer if he called me mommy and that would make me happy. He finally agreed and stated "ok mom". You know what he calls me now? Mom. He doesn't care that Mommy is the name I like. He only cares that he is growing up and that mom is what I should be called. I have gone through video that we have taken to see if anywhere on there is Athan calling me "mommy". I haven't found it yet. But I have figured out that for a Twizzler Athan will call me anything I want him too.
So I get my Mommy fix but I wish I could remember when was the last time he called me mommy just because. Now I will have a new baby that will call me Mommy. I don't care how many Twizzlers it takes, but that kid is gonna call me mommy until I say so.
11 weeks:
It's been 11 weeks in Seattle and I finally made a new friend. Literally I "made" a new friend. Alex arrived on June 10th it what I can only describe as a weird delivery. I am sure it was no weirder than anyone else's delivery other than it was happening to me and therefor makes it a unique experience. Anyway a quick run down.........Mrs. Kalpakidis arrived on Thursday and that was nice. She burst into tears upon seeing me which made me think she was unhappy with my hair or noticed I didn't stop biting my nails but she surprised me by shedding tears of being happy to see me. She came Thursday midafternoon and can I tell you that by the end of that night she had done more to prepare for our new baby than I had in the 2 months leading up to it!!!!! I felt bad for a moment. But then I told her I waited to do all this stuff so she had something to do:)
Friday morning was fine....packed a few more items, kissed mom and athan good bye and left for the hospital. Arrived, checked in, changed into one of those fantastic gowns--they should really sell these fabulous gowns on the outside as they would be all the rage! I ran into a little trouble as I was not supposed to eat or drink anything 8 hours prior to prep for surgery. However, I could have sworn that I was fine to drink water. So I did drink water all night. Well Marie the nurse informed me that no, I must have made that up in my head(I think I may have as well so I didn't try to fight that remark) and because of that my surgery may be delayed---------it would depend on my doctor. Can I tell you Theo seemed the most put out by this. I told him I was sorry that I was so desperate for water that I must have hallucinated the doctors order....I was only trying to keep myself and our baby alive!!! Ok, it was not so dramatic but you get the point. Anyway, I apparently have a doctor that doesn't think I will aspirate so he said we are still on for surgery. Then some very awkward and embarrassing things happened to me...........I won't say what they were because as I said, they were awkward and embarrassing so why would I repeat them(i'll tell some of you what they were when I see you). got wheeled away to the or and strapped down after i was given my epidural. Epidurals are heavenly. seriously. they are fabulous!!!
I did freak out a few times while on the table. It's a very wierd experience...you feel very helpless and having half your body numb is very kooky. Also feeling the pressure of the doctors prepping you and cutting etc is very spooky. My doctors overall were pretty fabulous. My OBGYN---Dr. Heath Miller---would lean over the curtain to check in on how I was doing and joke with me. That's why when he asked me what I was naming the baby I told him we were naming him Dr. Heath Miller. I think he felt flattered so he took extra care in delviering the baby-------I feel bad now cause I lied. We didn't name the baby Dr. Heath Miller. Anyway, after a bit of tugging and pulling, they got my little baby out. They held him up and he was all goopy and crying but he looked fabulous to me. They did what they needed to do and then gave him to Theo. Then, and this was wierd, the one nurse took the baby from theo and laid the baby on me as well and told Theo he had to share the baby with me so she put Alex's head by my head. The problem was Alex still was kinda gross so when the nurse turned away I told Theo to take him away from my head. I was kinda nauseous at that point anyway and still kind out of it so having the baby that close was not a good idea. This nurse, who was nice, also wanted to have chats with me while I was drugged up and delivering so what can I say.
Afterwards the days were kinda blurry. However, here's what bothered me-----they only had me stay in the hospital for 48 hours. I tried to explain that at Good Sam. they let me stay for four days and that at Good Sam. they mde me walk after surgery after 24 hours not the 12 hours that these folks wanted me to do. I kept telling them that I just had a child....that a person came out of me....a human being who didn't exist a few months ago has just been sprung free from my body....
None of this impressed the nurses.
So in the end it was time for me to leave.....we packed up our precious cargo---the Percocet, Ibuproferen, gas X and the stool softeners. These are all necessities!!! Of course the baby was packed up as well but I was not leaving that hospital without those drugs. There was no way after 48 hours I was going home without those drugs. I told my doctor to hit me up with the good stuff and I promised not to get addicted.
I think I am addicted to stool softeners.
So here we are now, Alex is a dream and I adore him so much. Athan loves his little brother and I believe he will continue that way until the baby wants his toys and then I imagine that Athan will knock him out. Theo has been fantastic about everything as usual. He does things that annoy me of course but I blame it more on me being annoyed that I am running out of stool softeners than him doing anything annoying.
So that's all I got for now. I am still huge and scary looking and I believe there are circus owners who are trying to recruit me for a sideshow......thank god we live in a secured building.
11 weeks in Seattle and I have already added to their population. I am a miracle worker!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
2 months---or technically 9 weeks.
Captains Log: Morale is low here in Seattle. Occupants in the condo are turning on each other. As the main occupant turner, I am starting to attack everything and everyone in the condo. No child(inside or outside of the womb) is safe. Theo is not safe. Toys are not safe. Laundry is not safe. My face is not safe. I am taking my desperation and spreading it to everyone and everything. I am fortunate it's rainy and gloomy here as it adds to the effect. Having done the math I realized that if we stick to the 3 year plan of Seattle, I have served less than 1% of my sentence. I now know what prisoners go through. And in one week, the warden comes...........that's right, Mrs. Kalpakidis is coming to stay for 10 days. This is both a blessing and a fear. I stay up at night thinking about it.
So, I am exhausted.That's the bottom line. I feel once the baby is out I can get some persepective----I mean also taking into account after the baby is at least a month. There is just so much to do!!! I am also irrate that I need to go get a printer, I have shit to take care of about Florida, I have a baby that refuses to take it easy on me inside my belly, it takes Athan 3 hours to eat half a sandwich.........3 hours!!!! 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even understand how he can tolerate me at him for 3 hours about a stupid sandwich. He eats bread all the time and chicken but if you combine them it is massive breakdowns!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 hours. I want someone to devote themselves as an experiment and sit for 3 hours constantly repeating "just take a bite" "chew" "it's only chicken and bread" "Eat" "Just take a bite" "NOW" "That's it, you'll never eat anything again" "Please, just take one bite" "It will help your poops""Don't you want to grow big?""That's it....all your toys go in the garbage". Try that and see if you can make it out alive. I am also in pain cause of the baby. This is a very sensitive part I am going to admit to so if you are a boy, someone who has not been pregnant, or if you are related to me, stop reading and skip the next paragraph.
I have the worst vagina pains. I know that's not the technical term. It's not even necessarily my vagina but for lack of better terms I go with what I know. I have the baby kicking and moving, my back is in spasms and there is some annoying pain located near my vagina that is making it impossible for me to walk around without looking as though I am about ready to deliver. The boy at Toys R Us actually kept asking me if he could get me a chair as he was afraid I would deliver in aisle 7. If he was older I would have asked him if he could just choke me and put me out of my misery. But he was young and looked innocent.
Now the fun part is while Theo is very very understanding and sympathetic and helpful, he has on occasion stated, "I don't know why it hurts. Girls I have talked to said you shouldn't be in any pain" This statement is troublesome to me for various reasons but as I am in the throws of a vaginal cramp and gasping for air I do wonder, who are these girls and how stupid are they? I only imagine they have either not had babies in a long time and have forgotten what it feels like or again, very very stupid girls. There is pain that comes from exhaustion and being overwhelmed etc. and that is something I had with Athan as he was actually a great pregnancy. Then there is unmistakable pain that cuts through you and doubles you over, that makes the idea of having to walk another step envious of people who are dead, that leaves you begging and reaching for strangers in stores to hold your hand and help you sit while you gently cry and open a lollipop for Athan in hopes that seeing his mother weep in a grocery store to strangers doesn't scar him for life. There is pain that wakes you up at night and makes you think I hope I am being stabbed and then are crest fallen when you realize you are instead only still pregnant. That is pain my friend. It usually happens late in pregnancy and when you are at your weakest emotionally and physically. This is what stage I am in now.
Ok, you can read again without being grossed out. This is all I can write for now as I believe I am going to start convulsing from pain soon and it makes it difficult to type and seize at the same time. Baby is due June 10. If I make it til then I will write more while in the hotel------I mean hospital(but really I mean hotel cause that's what I treat it like.) Also, I had two names on facebook for voting on which ones would be better.......it's a tie so thank you for nothing facebook friends. Go vote so I have a name for this child.
So, I am exhausted.That's the bottom line. I feel once the baby is out I can get some persepective----I mean also taking into account after the baby is at least a month. There is just so much to do!!! I am also irrate that I need to go get a printer, I have shit to take care of about Florida, I have a baby that refuses to take it easy on me inside my belly, it takes Athan 3 hours to eat half a sandwich.........3 hours!!!! 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even understand how he can tolerate me at him for 3 hours about a stupid sandwich. He eats bread all the time and chicken but if you combine them it is massive breakdowns!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 hours. I want someone to devote themselves as an experiment and sit for 3 hours constantly repeating "just take a bite" "chew" "it's only chicken and bread" "Eat" "Just take a bite" "NOW" "That's it, you'll never eat anything again" "Please, just take one bite" "It will help your poops""Don't you want to grow big?""That's it....all your toys go in the garbage". Try that and see if you can make it out alive. I am also in pain cause of the baby. This is a very sensitive part I am going to admit to so if you are a boy, someone who has not been pregnant, or if you are related to me, stop reading and skip the next paragraph.
I have the worst vagina pains. I know that's not the technical term. It's not even necessarily my vagina but for lack of better terms I go with what I know. I have the baby kicking and moving, my back is in spasms and there is some annoying pain located near my vagina that is making it impossible for me to walk around without looking as though I am about ready to deliver. The boy at Toys R Us actually kept asking me if he could get me a chair as he was afraid I would deliver in aisle 7. If he was older I would have asked him if he could just choke me and put me out of my misery. But he was young and looked innocent.
Now the fun part is while Theo is very very understanding and sympathetic and helpful, he has on occasion stated, "I don't know why it hurts. Girls I have talked to said you shouldn't be in any pain" This statement is troublesome to me for various reasons but as I am in the throws of a vaginal cramp and gasping for air I do wonder, who are these girls and how stupid are they? I only imagine they have either not had babies in a long time and have forgotten what it feels like or again, very very stupid girls. There is pain that comes from exhaustion and being overwhelmed etc. and that is something I had with Athan as he was actually a great pregnancy. Then there is unmistakable pain that cuts through you and doubles you over, that makes the idea of having to walk another step envious of people who are dead, that leaves you begging and reaching for strangers in stores to hold your hand and help you sit while you gently cry and open a lollipop for Athan in hopes that seeing his mother weep in a grocery store to strangers doesn't scar him for life. There is pain that wakes you up at night and makes you think I hope I am being stabbed and then are crest fallen when you realize you are instead only still pregnant. That is pain my friend. It usually happens late in pregnancy and when you are at your weakest emotionally and physically. This is what stage I am in now.
Ok, you can read again without being grossed out. This is all I can write for now as I believe I am going to start convulsing from pain soon and it makes it difficult to type and seize at the same time. Baby is due June 10. If I make it til then I will write more while in the hotel------I mean hospital(but really I mean hotel cause that's what I treat it like.) Also, I had two names on facebook for voting on which ones would be better.......it's a tie so thank you for nothing facebook friends. Go vote so I have a name for this child.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Almost a month!!!
On Monday, it will officialy be 4 weeks that I have resided in Seattle(technically Bellevue, but you guys don't know the difference so I say Seattle).
Here's what I have discovered that I don't like about Washington:
They have car pool lanes on the highway. You must have more than one occupant of course to use this. Since I am always with Athan I always use this lane. Here is one of two problems with this: One, the people of Washington are the slowest drivers in the world!!!!!!!!!! The WORLD!!!!! If the speed limit is 60, they all go 58. I have yet to see people passing each other or cursing each other out or acting violent in anyway. I haven't even heard people honk at other drivers. I am not sure if this is a learned behavior or what, but everyone seems eerily calm when driving this slow. Even if they are in the car pool lane, which is also the far left lane(which everyone knows is the speed lane---Everyone knows this). Yet here, it apparently means no different than any other lane. They go just as slow. It is very annoying.
As I weave through traffic I try to explain to the other drivers that just because it says 60mph, it doesn't mean that you go 60 mph or less. It means you have a good ten mph above that before the cops will come after you. I try to explain as I pass them that the far left lane is for people that are willing to risk going 20 mph ABOVE the speed limit. I try to explain as I pass them that people have to be somewhere and we are not driving on this forsaken highway just for fun, that there are people and appointments waiting for us. I try to explain this but I only have half a second as I pass them by so I just give them the middle finger as I honk and stare at them violently. I am aware that they see that I have an Illinois license plate so I am sure once they see that they are aware that I am a superior driver who is allowed to whip through traffic with reckless abandonment and ease. Surely they say "Wow, her driving is exceptional...I see she must be from the Chicagoland area by the way she cuts through traffic having the ability to both tell us to fuck ourselves and give us the finger all while weaving through traffic. Kudos to her!"
Also with the car pool lane, these are the slowest people at times. There is a sign that says if someone is violating the car pool rules that you can call it in. I have a feeling I am going to call that number on the slow drivers in the lane even though they are obeying the law. Maybe that will scare them enough to stay out of the lane.
Food in Washington: I specifically mean this for all those restaurants that say they serve Gyros. I hate you all violently. I love Gyros.....just the traditional Gyros. Nothing fancy, just a regular Gyros. Here is the problem: Greek people are the only ones------I don't mean to stereotype, it's just a fact------who know how to make a Gyros! It's not that it's hard, but we know the right kind of meat and sauce etc that go into a good Gyros. However, here in Washington most of the gyros stands are actually Middle Eastern cuisine. So, many places will advertise a Gyros and then in the same sign say come get a falaffle( I know that's not spelled right but I don't give a shit cause I don't even know what a falaffle is but I know it does not belong in a restaurant that serves Gyros). But these Gyros are not made the way we are all accustomed. They put all this seasoning on it and curry and the sauce is milky and shitty and and the pita is dry with no oil on it and then they put lettuce on it...it makes me sad to think about it. So Theo and I were in the mall and we saw a restaurant that said Greek Kitchen!!!! I was so excited I actually almost ran to this place...which is difficult when you are carrying around an extra 30lbs of baby in you. I got to the place with Theo and noticed the menu, which did have Middle Eastern cuisine on it as well but I saw the Gyros spit on the roller and saw that it looked normal. Now the guy behind the counter didn't look Greek or Mexican so then I worried again. But then I saw the Gyros sauce and thought, OK...still looks good. SO we ordered. I noticed that it was taking awhile for them to make it and they weren't cutting it from the spit but we had already ordered so I held out for the best. We got home and sure enough, those motherfuckers mixed it with some curry spices and shit. I don't even know what it was but I know what it wasn't. It was not a GYROS!!! I don't understand this state. I can't figure it out. You know what it's like to want something familiar and home like and you end up with something that is foreign and a reminder that you are far from home. I almost wanted to cry. Theo knew something was wrong when I angrily was picking through my "gyros" with tears in my eyes. I hate that Greek Kitchen restaurant and I will tell them they are not Greek!!!!!!!!!!!! They are a middle Eastern Kitchen and that they should remove the Greek term from the sign. I may even protest..........I have nothing else going on and it would amuse me, but seriously.
On the bright side, Theo did drive further north and found a greek restaurant that served Gyros.........real gyros..........with greeks and mexicans in the kitchen.....who know what a gyros is and how it should be cooked. He found this place today and brought me a gyros which is what started reminding me about that stupid Greek Kitchen and their shit "gyros".
I also went to a Whole Foods. I know we have these at home but I never went into one. Has anyone been in these places? They are fabulous. Silly in price but absolutely fabulous.
I haven't really made any friends but the people at the grocery store(not Whole Foods as it's expensive and snooty, but QFC which is like Jewel) seem taken with me. Not all the people, just the butcher and the bagger. I asked the butcher if beef is always so expensive in this state---becuase it is more expensive than home----and he said yes and asked where I was from so I told him and that's when his attraction started to grow. I don't know if he could tell that I was pregnant and hadn't showered recently but I wasn't wearing a ring so I think that was enough to encourage him to talk. Plus, I guess most people don't actually talk to the butcher so maybe he was taking this opportunity to simply chat. Regardless, he seemed to fall in love with me. The bagger likewise was taken with me.
Things I enjoy about Seattle: They run the show "Frasier" a lot in reruns here, which is nice. They also run the movies Twilight a lot but I don't know if it's a Seattle thing necessarily as the programming is Showtime so I think everyone is seeing it the same amount but I don't recall it being on so much. They play a lot of Muse, the band, here which is good----again it's a Twilight thing. The weather has been mild. It's never really cold or really too warm. I think that's most of what I like here.
Easter was interesting this year. Usually it's spent with our families. Of course at mom and dad's home, we have lamb. They did have it this year but Theo and I and Athan ate at a hotel brunch. It was good but definately not the same at all. Really, it was very wierd and I can only expect that future holidays spent away from home will result in either my cooking or going to restaurants. Again, not very happy about it but what can you do.
Saw the doctor and we decided that I will have the baby on either June 8,9 or 10th. All those days sound good to me. Even earlier sounds good to me to but it also looks like I will be spending my 7th wedding anniversary in the hospital. I can't help but think theo planned this out very well in order to keep me occupied on our anniversary so he wouldn't have to get creative with a gift.
It's a Saturday night and I am pregnant and watching Golden Girls. I desperatly need a new life. I'll keep working this one cause I like it but I definately need a new life once this baby comes out.....The same life is fine but I need to be out with some girlfriends getting silly drunk in some dive bar in Plainfield where girls try to choke me for "grazing" their boyfriends with Janelle.
Here's what I have discovered that I don't like about Washington:
They have car pool lanes on the highway. You must have more than one occupant of course to use this. Since I am always with Athan I always use this lane. Here is one of two problems with this: One, the people of Washington are the slowest drivers in the world!!!!!!!!!! The WORLD!!!!! If the speed limit is 60, they all go 58. I have yet to see people passing each other or cursing each other out or acting violent in anyway. I haven't even heard people honk at other drivers. I am not sure if this is a learned behavior or what, but everyone seems eerily calm when driving this slow. Even if they are in the car pool lane, which is also the far left lane(which everyone knows is the speed lane---Everyone knows this). Yet here, it apparently means no different than any other lane. They go just as slow. It is very annoying.
As I weave through traffic I try to explain to the other drivers that just because it says 60mph, it doesn't mean that you go 60 mph or less. It means you have a good ten mph above that before the cops will come after you. I try to explain as I pass them that the far left lane is for people that are willing to risk going 20 mph ABOVE the speed limit. I try to explain as I pass them that people have to be somewhere and we are not driving on this forsaken highway just for fun, that there are people and appointments waiting for us. I try to explain this but I only have half a second as I pass them by so I just give them the middle finger as I honk and stare at them violently. I am aware that they see that I have an Illinois license plate so I am sure once they see that they are aware that I am a superior driver who is allowed to whip through traffic with reckless abandonment and ease. Surely they say "Wow, her driving is exceptional...I see she must be from the Chicagoland area by the way she cuts through traffic having the ability to both tell us to fuck ourselves and give us the finger all while weaving through traffic. Kudos to her!"
Also with the car pool lane, these are the slowest people at times. There is a sign that says if someone is violating the car pool rules that you can call it in. I have a feeling I am going to call that number on the slow drivers in the lane even though they are obeying the law. Maybe that will scare them enough to stay out of the lane.
Food in Washington: I specifically mean this for all those restaurants that say they serve Gyros. I hate you all violently. I love Gyros.....just the traditional Gyros. Nothing fancy, just a regular Gyros. Here is the problem: Greek people are the only ones------I don't mean to stereotype, it's just a fact------who know how to make a Gyros! It's not that it's hard, but we know the right kind of meat and sauce etc that go into a good Gyros. However, here in Washington most of the gyros stands are actually Middle Eastern cuisine. So, many places will advertise a Gyros and then in the same sign say come get a falaffle( I know that's not spelled right but I don't give a shit cause I don't even know what a falaffle is but I know it does not belong in a restaurant that serves Gyros). But these Gyros are not made the way we are all accustomed. They put all this seasoning on it and curry and the sauce is milky and shitty and and the pita is dry with no oil on it and then they put lettuce on it...it makes me sad to think about it. So Theo and I were in the mall and we saw a restaurant that said Greek Kitchen!!!! I was so excited I actually almost ran to this place...which is difficult when you are carrying around an extra 30lbs of baby in you. I got to the place with Theo and noticed the menu, which did have Middle Eastern cuisine on it as well but I saw the Gyros spit on the roller and saw that it looked normal. Now the guy behind the counter didn't look Greek or Mexican so then I worried again. But then I saw the Gyros sauce and thought, OK...still looks good. SO we ordered. I noticed that it was taking awhile for them to make it and they weren't cutting it from the spit but we had already ordered so I held out for the best. We got home and sure enough, those motherfuckers mixed it with some curry spices and shit. I don't even know what it was but I know what it wasn't. It was not a GYROS!!! I don't understand this state. I can't figure it out. You know what it's like to want something familiar and home like and you end up with something that is foreign and a reminder that you are far from home. I almost wanted to cry. Theo knew something was wrong when I angrily was picking through my "gyros" with tears in my eyes. I hate that Greek Kitchen restaurant and I will tell them they are not Greek!!!!!!!!!!!! They are a middle Eastern Kitchen and that they should remove the Greek term from the sign. I may even protest..........I have nothing else going on and it would amuse me, but seriously.
On the bright side, Theo did drive further north and found a greek restaurant that served Gyros.........real gyros..........with greeks and mexicans in the kitchen.....who know what a gyros is and how it should be cooked. He found this place today and brought me a gyros which is what started reminding me about that stupid Greek Kitchen and their shit "gyros".
I also went to a Whole Foods. I know we have these at home but I never went into one. Has anyone been in these places? They are fabulous. Silly in price but absolutely fabulous.
I haven't really made any friends but the people at the grocery store(not Whole Foods as it's expensive and snooty, but QFC which is like Jewel) seem taken with me. Not all the people, just the butcher and the bagger. I asked the butcher if beef is always so expensive in this state---becuase it is more expensive than home----and he said yes and asked where I was from so I told him and that's when his attraction started to grow. I don't know if he could tell that I was pregnant and hadn't showered recently but I wasn't wearing a ring so I think that was enough to encourage him to talk. Plus, I guess most people don't actually talk to the butcher so maybe he was taking this opportunity to simply chat. Regardless, he seemed to fall in love with me. The bagger likewise was taken with me.
Things I enjoy about Seattle: They run the show "Frasier" a lot in reruns here, which is nice. They also run the movies Twilight a lot but I don't know if it's a Seattle thing necessarily as the programming is Showtime so I think everyone is seeing it the same amount but I don't recall it being on so much. They play a lot of Muse, the band, here which is good----again it's a Twilight thing. The weather has been mild. It's never really cold or really too warm. I think that's most of what I like here.
Easter was interesting this year. Usually it's spent with our families. Of course at mom and dad's home, we have lamb. They did have it this year but Theo and I and Athan ate at a hotel brunch. It was good but definately not the same at all. Really, it was very wierd and I can only expect that future holidays spent away from home will result in either my cooking or going to restaurants. Again, not very happy about it but what can you do.
Saw the doctor and we decided that I will have the baby on either June 8,9 or 10th. All those days sound good to me. Even earlier sounds good to me to but it also looks like I will be spending my 7th wedding anniversary in the hospital. I can't help but think theo planned this out very well in order to keep me occupied on our anniversary so he wouldn't have to get creative with a gift.
It's a Saturday night and I am pregnant and watching Golden Girls. I desperatly need a new life. I'll keep working this one cause I like it but I definately need a new life once this baby comes out.....The same life is fine but I need to be out with some girlfriends getting silly drunk in some dive bar in Plainfield where girls try to choke me for "grazing" their boyfriends with Janelle.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
2 weeks already!!
So it has now been two weeks here. I finally got my car today which is great as Athan and I have been a bit trapped. We had been waiting for it to be shipped and now I am imagining all the wonderful places Athan and I will travel to while it's raining.
We went to the Tulip festival this past weekend with a friend of Theo's from work, his wife and their almost 3 yrs old son. It was a nice time and the flowers were lovely. It was so muddy though and every time you walked through the row a bit to take a picture, you got muddy. There are several photos of me carefully walking through the row as I didn't know I was supposed to wear boots and really only have one pair of shoes I can wear. Then we went on a ferry. This I have to say has been the highlight of my two week experience. It's fascinating!!!!!!!!!!! They take ferries the way people take trains at home. Just get on, cross over to an island, and then come back. I asked the couple we were with what's on the islands and such and they said it's the same as any place, just separated by water. I asked if there were Wal-Marts and grocery stores. They said of course. I asked a bunch of inane questions because I find it so fascinatling. I suppose I could have given them a better impression of myself but I need to know little details for this to make sense of why people lived on these islands. Regardless, fascinating!!!!!
I am big and fat and waddle around a lot. That's a bummer. I had to do the 3 hr sugar test as I failed my glucose at home but after being poked and prodded for several hours it turns out I am fine. I did however go and get scans of the baby and they did a few 3D ones as it appears the baby has a glogged tear duct. This is amazing!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes modern technology just blows me away. He looks just like Athan. At first it looked like his nose was enormous and I asked the tech. to be honest and tell me if she thinks he has a large nose, but it turned out, his nose looks just a little large. I am awaiting his arrival but then I am sure once he is here and we are home I will want to put him back in.
It's been two weeks of really not working, other than minor things, and I must say I enjoy no one wanting me. It feels good to be unwanted...........poor and unwanted are oddly right up my alley.
Easter will be here soon and this will be our first holiday away from home. I am sure it will be sad. We usually have lamb for dinner. I will not be making lamb.
Oh my gosh I forgot to say that we also went to Pike's Market which is the big market everyone knows about. It was Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was so much stuff to see and so much to buy. I didn't buy anything really cause we got there so late but I can't wait for my parents to come down here and see because my dad will love it!!!!! They had huge lobster tails.............I just wanted to steal all the lobster and run out of there. I will be back there soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We went to the Tulip festival this past weekend with a friend of Theo's from work, his wife and their almost 3 yrs old son. It was a nice time and the flowers were lovely. It was so muddy though and every time you walked through the row a bit to take a picture, you got muddy. There are several photos of me carefully walking through the row as I didn't know I was supposed to wear boots and really only have one pair of shoes I can wear. Then we went on a ferry. This I have to say has been the highlight of my two week experience. It's fascinating!!!!!!!!!!! They take ferries the way people take trains at home. Just get on, cross over to an island, and then come back. I asked the couple we were with what's on the islands and such and they said it's the same as any place, just separated by water. I asked if there were Wal-Marts and grocery stores. They said of course. I asked a bunch of inane questions because I find it so fascinatling. I suppose I could have given them a better impression of myself but I need to know little details for this to make sense of why people lived on these islands. Regardless, fascinating!!!!!
I am big and fat and waddle around a lot. That's a bummer. I had to do the 3 hr sugar test as I failed my glucose at home but after being poked and prodded for several hours it turns out I am fine. I did however go and get scans of the baby and they did a few 3D ones as it appears the baby has a glogged tear duct. This is amazing!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes modern technology just blows me away. He looks just like Athan. At first it looked like his nose was enormous and I asked the tech. to be honest and tell me if she thinks he has a large nose, but it turned out, his nose looks just a little large. I am awaiting his arrival but then I am sure once he is here and we are home I will want to put him back in.
It's been two weeks of really not working, other than minor things, and I must say I enjoy no one wanting me. It feels good to be unwanted...........poor and unwanted are oddly right up my alley.
Easter will be here soon and this will be our first holiday away from home. I am sure it will be sad. We usually have lamb for dinner. I will not be making lamb.
Oh my gosh I forgot to say that we also went to Pike's Market which is the big market everyone knows about. It was Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was so much stuff to see and so much to buy. I didn't buy anything really cause we got there so late but I can't wait for my parents to come down here and see because my dad will love it!!!!! They had huge lobster tails.............I just wanted to steal all the lobster and run out of there. I will be back there soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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