Tonight may be my last night I am ever pregnant. Tomorrow I am due to go to the hospital to deliver. I think I am lucky in that I will know when I am delivering instead of waiting for nature to take it's course. When that happens, there is such a panic and mad dash that you don't have time to notice the "last" of things and to take a moment to acknowledge them. I tend to mourn those "last" moments. But as I said, tonight may be the last night I am ever pregnant, the last time I will ever go to bed with a baby inside of me, the last night that it is just Theo, Athan and myself in our little family. I tucked Athan in for the last time as an only child. And tomorrow will be my last morning waking up with a baby inside of me. I am sure as I lay in the hospital tomorrow I will wait to feel the last kick I may ever feel with a child inside of me. It makes me sad. This little baby has been kicking the life out of me for the past few months and now, with only a few hours to go, I am trying to hold onto every moment and feeling in case it's my last. If nothing else it's the last with this particular child. I remember feeling the same with Athan but knowing I would have another child.
With Athan, it was more this is the last time with my first child. Now it's a feeling of my last time with what may be my last child. It's not just with this though. The "last" of things has been on my mind since Athan was little. The last time he couldn't say a word properly, the last time he called lollipops "hop pops", the last time he thought my office was Linda's house, the last time he mostly babbled instead of spoke clearly, the very last diaper he had, etc. I can remember the first because, well it's the first. You know when he has never done something before, but how do you recognize when something is the last. Everyday he does something that is just slightly different then before but so subtle that I don't really notice it until one day I realize that he has completely extinguished a behavior and I forgot to capture that moment of his "last". Just today, as he called me "mom" I explained that my name is Mommy and I would prefer if he called me that. He stared at me and told me that my name is mom. I said yes it is but I would prefer if he called me mommy and that would make me happy. He finally agreed and stated "ok mom". You know what he calls me now? Mom. He doesn't care that Mommy is the name I like. He only cares that he is growing up and that mom is what I should be called. I have gone through video that we have taken to see if anywhere on there is Athan calling me "mommy". I haven't found it yet. But I have figured out that for a Twizzler Athan will call me anything I want him too.
So I get my Mommy fix but I wish I could remember when was the last time he called me mommy just because. Now I will have a new baby that will call me Mommy. I don't care how many Twizzlers it takes, but that kid is gonna call me mommy until I say so.
11 weeks:
It's been 11 weeks in Seattle and I finally made a new friend. Literally I "made" a new friend. Alex arrived on June 10th it what I can only describe as a weird delivery. I am sure it was no weirder than anyone else's delivery other than it was happening to me and therefor makes it a unique experience. Anyway a quick run down.........Mrs. Kalpakidis arrived on Thursday and that was nice. She burst into tears upon seeing me which made me think she was unhappy with my hair or noticed I didn't stop biting my nails but she surprised me by shedding tears of being happy to see me. She came Thursday midafternoon and can I tell you that by the end of that night she had done more to prepare for our new baby than I had in the 2 months leading up to it!!!!! I felt bad for a moment. But then I told her I waited to do all this stuff so she had something to do:)
Friday morning was fine....packed a few more items, kissed mom and athan good bye and left for the hospital. Arrived, checked in, changed into one of those fantastic gowns--they should really sell these fabulous gowns on the outside as they would be all the rage! I ran into a little trouble as I was not supposed to eat or drink anything 8 hours prior to prep for surgery. However, I could have sworn that I was fine to drink water. So I did drink water all night. Well Marie the nurse informed me that no, I must have made that up in my head(I think I may have as well so I didn't try to fight that remark) and because of that my surgery may be delayed---------it would depend on my doctor. Can I tell you Theo seemed the most put out by this. I told him I was sorry that I was so desperate for water that I must have hallucinated the doctors order....I was only trying to keep myself and our baby alive!!! Ok, it was not so dramatic but you get the point. Anyway, I apparently have a doctor that doesn't think I will aspirate so he said we are still on for surgery. Then some very awkward and embarrassing things happened to me...........I won't say what they were because as I said, they were awkward and embarrassing so why would I repeat them(i'll tell some of you what they were when I see you). got wheeled away to the or and strapped down after i was given my epidural. Epidurals are heavenly. seriously. they are fabulous!!!
I did freak out a few times while on the table. It's a very wierd experience...you feel very helpless and having half your body numb is very kooky. Also feeling the pressure of the doctors prepping you and cutting etc is very spooky. My doctors overall were pretty fabulous. My OBGYN---Dr. Heath Miller---would lean over the curtain to check in on how I was doing and joke with me. That's why when he asked me what I was naming the baby I told him we were naming him Dr. Heath Miller. I think he felt flattered so he took extra care in delviering the baby-------I feel bad now cause I lied. We didn't name the baby Dr. Heath Miller. Anyway, after a bit of tugging and pulling, they got my little baby out. They held him up and he was all goopy and crying but he looked fabulous to me. They did what they needed to do and then gave him to Theo. Then, and this was wierd, the one nurse took the baby from theo and laid the baby on me as well and told Theo he had to share the baby with me so she put Alex's head by my head. The problem was Alex still was kinda gross so when the nurse turned away I told Theo to take him away from my head. I was kinda nauseous at that point anyway and still kind out of it so having the baby that close was not a good idea. This nurse, who was nice, also wanted to have chats with me while I was drugged up and delivering so what can I say.
Afterwards the days were kinda blurry. However, here's what bothered me-----they only had me stay in the hospital for 48 hours. I tried to explain that at Good Sam. they let me stay for four days and that at Good Sam. they mde me walk after surgery after 24 hours not the 12 hours that these folks wanted me to do. I kept telling them that I just had a child....that a person came out of me....a human being who didn't exist a few months ago has just been sprung free from my body....
None of this impressed the nurses.
So in the end it was time for me to leave.....we packed up our precious cargo---the Percocet, Ibuproferen, gas X and the stool softeners. These are all necessities!!! Of course the baby was packed up as well but I was not leaving that hospital without those drugs. There was no way after 48 hours I was going home without those drugs. I told my doctor to hit me up with the good stuff and I promised not to get addicted.
I think I am addicted to stool softeners.
So here we are now, Alex is a dream and I adore him so much. Athan loves his little brother and I believe he will continue that way until the baby wants his toys and then I imagine that Athan will knock him out. Theo has been fantastic about everything as usual. He does things that annoy me of course but I blame it more on me being annoyed that I am running out of stool softeners than him doing anything annoying.
So that's all I got for now. I am still huge and scary looking and I believe there are circus owners who are trying to recruit me for a sideshow......thank god we live in a secured building.
11 weeks in Seattle and I have already added to their population. I am a miracle worker!!
As always, an excellent blog entry!! You never cease to amuse me!!
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