2 months---or technically 9 weeks.

Captains Log: Morale is low here in Seattle. Occupants in the condo are turning on each other. As the main occupant turner, I am starting to attack everything and everyone in the condo. No child(inside or outside of the womb) is safe. Theo is not safe. Toys are not safe. Laundry is not safe. My face is not safe. I am taking my desperation and spreading it to everyone and everything. I am fortunate it's rainy and gloomy here as it adds to the effect. Having done the math I realized that if we stick to the 3 year plan of Seattle, I have served less than 1% of my sentence. I now know what prisoners go through. And in one week, the warden comes...........that's right, Mrs. Kalpakidis is coming to stay for 10 days. This is both a blessing and a fear. I stay up at night thinking about it.

So, I am exhausted.That's the bottom line. I feel once the baby is out I can get some persepective----I mean also taking into account after the baby is at least a month. There is just so much to do!!! I am also irrate that I need to go get  a printer, I have shit to take care of about Florida, I have a baby that refuses to take it easy on me inside my belly, it takes Athan 3 hours to eat half a sandwich.........3 hours!!!! 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even understand how he can tolerate me at him for 3 hours about a stupid sandwich. He eats bread all the time and chicken but if you combine them it is massive breakdowns!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 hours. I want someone to devote themselves as an experiment and sit for 3 hours constantly repeating "just take a bite" "chew" "it's only chicken and bread" "Eat" "Just take a bite" "NOW" "That's it, you'll never eat anything again" "Please, just take one bite" "It will help your poops""Don't you want to grow big?""That's it....all your toys go in the garbage". Try that and see if you can make it out alive. I am also in pain cause of the baby. This is a very sensitive part I am going to admit to so if you are a boy, someone who has not been pregnant, or if you are related to me, stop reading and skip the next paragraph.





I have the worst vagina pains. I know that's not the technical term. It's not even necessarily my vagina but for lack of better terms I go with what I know. I have the baby kicking and moving, my back is in spasms and there is some annoying pain located near my vagina that is making it impossible for me to walk around without looking as though I am about ready to deliver. The boy at Toys R Us actually kept asking me if he could get me a chair as he was afraid I would deliver in aisle 7. If he was older I would have asked him if he could just choke me and put me out of my misery. But he was young and looked innocent.
Now the fun part is while Theo is very very understanding and sympathetic and helpful, he has on occasion stated, "I don't know why it hurts. Girls I have talked to said you shouldn't be in any pain" This statement is troublesome to me for various reasons but as I am in the throws of a vaginal cramp and gasping for air I do wonder, who are these girls and how stupid are they? I only imagine they have either not had babies in a long time and have forgotten what it feels like or again, very very stupid girls. There is pain that comes from exhaustion and being overwhelmed etc. and that is something I had with Athan as he was actually a great pregnancy. Then there is unmistakable pain that cuts through you and doubles you over, that makes the idea of having to walk another step  envious of people who are dead, that leaves you begging and reaching for strangers in stores to hold your hand and help you sit while you gently cry and open a lollipop for Athan in hopes that seeing his mother weep in a grocery store to strangers doesn't scar him for life. There is pain that wakes you up at night and makes you think I hope I am being stabbed and then are crest fallen when you realize you are instead only still pregnant. That is pain my friend. It usually happens late in pregnancy and when you are at your weakest emotionally and physically. This is what stage I am in now.


Ok, you can read again without being grossed out. This is all I can write for now as I believe I am going to start convulsing from pain soon and it makes it difficult to type and seize at the same time. Baby is due June 10. If I make it til then I will write more while in the hotel------I mean hospital(but really I mean hotel cause that's what I treat it like.) Also, I had two names on facebook for voting on which ones would be better.......it's a tie so thank you for nothing facebook friends. Go vote so I have a name for this child.