156 weeks.........................................

156 Weeks..............................

It feels like it was only 135 weeks ago that I last wrote anything. Alas I write this only as it is officially 3 years since we moved here. Originally, 3 years was my hold out date. 3 years is what I promised the warden as a minimum term sentence. I agreed to 3 years with a 4th year as a compromise. I feel the warden thinks I'll just forget I'm in prison. I mean sure I get out to the yard more, the meals have been improving, the population has increased with new prisoners, and I am spending less time in solitary confinement, but I still know I am in prison. It's a beautiful prison though. And I have adjusted enough to enjoy it. With the winter that was back home, dare I say I was glad to be out here? I said it. I was happy to be here.

Let's see what's changed in the last 135 weeks? Oh so much but let me start with this. If I had put a dollar a day away for each day I was here, I would have 1096 dollars. That doesn't seem like much money at all but that's a lot of days. When we got here I was pregnant and now I have an almost 3 year old. That's madness.

So Athan is in 1st grade...........he's doing baseball and swim and some afterschool activities. They do tons of afterschool stuff here even for the young kids..........like super smart clubs dealing with Lego's and engineering and computer coding. Dare I say, it's a sweatshop but with finer accommodations.
It's as if they are prepping them to start at working at Microsoft right away.....which actually is fine by me.

Alex is a beast and rat's everyone out at daycare preschool--------it's really just a drop of daycare for emergencies. But seriously, he rat's out everyone who is bad and who hits and who doesn't share. I'd worry but he's such a big kid I figure he can fend for himself.

I started doing Advocate work out here as a volunteer just to get back to doing something. This one is Family as opposed to Dependency which means it's for custody battles and not foster or out of care cases. I didn't realize it until I had already applied etc. and I thought well you know what, maybe I shouldn't be walking into areas that are dangerous with criminals and bullets and sheets used as curtains since I am a mom and this is only a volunteer position. I was wrong. This one seems more dangerous. I should stick with what I know.

Theo is fine.



Ha, what if I just left it at that. He is fine...just busy. He's coaching Athan's baseball team. Again, Id like him to be the kind of Coach that you see on TV so I keep writing him lines to say at practices but he never says anything. I tell him you have to lead them and let them know this is supposed to be fun but it's also a time for them to learn discipline and to work hard and pay attention. But he doesn't. I tell him to announce his presence with authority, but he merely greets them with a hello. I tell him to yell at them "Clear Eyes, Full hearts can't lose." (I still think of you daily Kyle!) But he doesn't. He tells them "Let's try our best and see how we do." I tell him to tell them this is a game about inches (which it's not). He doesn't. He tells them it's about learning skills and doing well. I tell him it's ok to yell at some of these kids, they are squirrely and touchy feely and can't focus on things. But he doesn't. Instead he gives them weapons like bats and balls. On the plus side we are called the Knights this year as opposed to the Sand Gnats of last year.

We've made more friends since we've been here. I no longer depend on the butcher and the bagger at the grocery store to be my friends. We made some good Preschool mommy friends that we don't see as often, but do manage to keep in touch with and see sometimes----one mommy started her own company which I highly recommend everyone take a look at....Little Boot Peep. So clever.

We made great baseball and school mommy/daddy friends and that's who we hang out with the most. I will say they are fabulous and haven't even tried to ditch any of them. I also seem to attract myself to his teachers. Athan really lucked out with having fabulous teachers who I instantly hit it off with and hold tight. His preschool teacher is another prisoner like me. I told her early on that we were both never getting out of here. His Kindergarten teachers---he had two--are the toppermost as well. I drag his one kindergarten teacher out with me as often as I can. She likes to drink and is equally as snarky so we really could have done a lot of damage had we met before the husbands and family took over our lives.  We actually have even made weekend get away plans with some of our Baseball mommy/daddy friends. I know what you're thinking "Debbie, aren't you afraid once the new friends see how horrible you are on "vacations" that they won't want to be your friend anymore?" Yes, yes I am afraid. I will do my best to not be me on this weekend getaway. I'm gonna pretend to be one of them.

We've also lost some people we "hung out" with but I think of that more of us letting them go by dodging and ignoring. I'd rather have hung out with the butcher and the bagger than some of those folks.

And as always we have Tara and Anjelica who refresh my Midwest soul and remind me that I am the normal one and the surrounding north Pacific folk are the ones off kilter. Also, when Anjelica remembers, she is our emergency contact for the kids. But that is even code for Anjelica get the kids until Tara gets off work and then Tara will know what to do.

We have fabulous sitters who have been our godsend. The kids adore them and quite frankly, I think they love them more than us. I can't blame them though. I love them more than I love us too.

I've been adapting. Some days are harder than others and some days I'm so oblivious to what's going on around me that I just pretend I am at home and that seems to do the trick. Except for summer. I have to say summers here are the best around. I'm almost bummed we go home during the summer because it's so great here. It's a toss up. But I'd can't imagine missing a 4th of July with the girls in Plainfield.

That's it for now. I felt the urge to write as it's been 3 years exactly since we got here. When I came here I was 34 turning 35---my mid 30's. Now I'm getting ready to turn 38 and enter my late 30's. My brain tells me I'm 17 and have plenty of time and my body tells me I'm past death but my stupid brain won't submit to it. I see the dermatologist to look at my acne but she says "aren't you more concerned with your age spots?" I guess I am now. My gym trainer used to tell me I had to work for it to get it, I told him I don't want it. He's now just Theo's trainer. The kids used to call me mommy, now they just call me "hey." "You adapt" is what I tell myself and all my stuffed animals that I line up and name after my friends back home so I can celebrate big moments. It's been 3 years. I think I have just enough in me to make it a few more.